Finally had the conversation – you aren’t going home.

I finally had the conversation with my mom that I had been fearing.  Mom had been clinical from October until December – literally three months in a row.  She’d have a month long hospitalization, then she’d be discharged.  Within a week, she’d be pink slipped again.  I just kind of kept my hands off the wheel during this time.  If I had been a part of, or she could otherwise link me to these hospitalizations, I’d never hear the end of it.

Since her last discharge in early January, I moved her into an assisted living facility.  I had been trying to keep mom in her home.  That’s what she wanted.  The reality, it’s just too much for her.  She is 69-years old and the natural process of aging, effects of medication and mental illness have really taken a toll on her.  The reality is, she can’t live independently anymore.

Assisted living isn’t cheap.  We worked with a financial planner who fancies himself a Gerontologist.  Basically, when it comes to money and challenges older folks face, he knows his stuff.  Through him, we were able to find mom a more affordable place to live.  And by “more affordable” the market rate for this place is still $4,400 per month.  Now that does take care of all meals and intermediate nursing care, saves me from having to run mom to the doctor – mean, the value that this provides – far more than the $4,400 per month.

Well anyways, mom asked me when I’d let her go home.  I just told her, look, “home” as she knows it, it isn’t on the table anymore as a viable option for living.  We have been trying to make that work and it wasn’t working anymore.  We tried in-home nursing, delivery services, a number of things to make it possible.  It just isn’t possible or feasible anymore.

I thought I’d feel guilt about this.  I feared this discussion.  When it came time for it – it was nothing.  Everything I was saying was true.  I didn’t defend my position.  I just stated it and let it be.  There was nothing to argue about.

My sisters and I have been proactive with taking the legal steps necessary to get us to this point.  We’ve had lawyers and other professionals along the way that have allowed us to get mom the treatment she needs and into the home she needs to be in.  We’ve also had a lot of really good care providers.